August 17th, 2006


With arms wide open.

I wish that I had had the wisdom yesterday that I have today. On rather frequent occasions I would look back to see failure due to ignorance time and time again in my past. I used to resent my elders for not teaching me the things I would otherwise have to learn the hard way later in life. On the other hand, I do believe that there some things that cannot be taught through anything but experience, like driving a manual. Too often do we look back at our childhood and promise ourselves never to raise our children the way our parents raised us.
The question is, how do we mold our children into what we want them to be with the outside influences of school teachers and other children? I don't know about you, but I don't personally feel that school teachers or friends are properly qualified to handle the psyches of my future children.
You may think all of this is mundane or trivial, but I now have start becoming a man with all of those qualifications now. The time for going to parties of a dubious nature has come to an end. The time to play by the very same rules that I have grown to hate so much is now. I have to grow up , stand up and be the man I've always wanted to be but never had the strength to.
With as many people as there are on this planet, the chances of success are so little that one has to give their children so much that they are ahead of their class in as many ways as possible when they step out into the world. I don't feel like I'll ever be strong enough for this. Yet, I can't seem to stop wishing I was there now.
I want everyone to pale in comparison in every conceivable manor. I want you to succeed at everything you work for but appreciate the efforts of those who fell in your wake. I want you to know the pain of being picked on in school without ever having to experience it. I want you to know your heart without ever going through the pain of having it broken. I want you to love me and hate me for all of the right reasons. I want you to know the hearts of everyone around you. But most of all, I want you to walk your own path and never let anyone else ever tell you what to do.
I can't wait to walk beside you. I can't wait to teach you to be strong. I can't wait for you to teach me to love.
Forgive me if I ever fail as a father in any way and know that I am sorry if I do.
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