March 5th, 2007


Good bye...

Leaving soon to be gone forever and never ever to be heard from again for the rest of your life!!! Unless you have a live journal account in which case it'll seem as if I haven't gone anywhere at all in fact why is he still talking to me about his life, I don't care about his life. I'm just waiting for the moment when he snaps and mistakenly pushes a construction cone on the swing while his real son sits in the sand box wandering why Daddy isn't playing with him anymore. And look, now Daddy's placing the construction cone in the car seat and is driving off meanwhile little JD's crying while the construction cone sits quietly and watches "Finding Nemo" in the back seat of the family caravan as it disappears in the distance.
I need to get more sleep.
  • Current Mood
    tired tired

But seriously...

I'll be moving to Albuquerque in what we're thinking will be early April now, but that remains to be seen. I need to nail down a few last things out here first. When I get out there I'll be signing on with my Dad's company and learning the trade. Stable work, good hours, how can I go wrong right?
On another note, I' just became a father. I have a beautiful healthy little boy. You can see his pictures in my galleries. Although, I'll be damned if I can figure out how to find them. It's a miracle I even got them downloaded. But don't worry about JD, all the construction cones out here are buried under three feet of snow so there isn't any chance of me getting confused.
If that joke confuses you, you don't know enough about me.

One thing that does worry me is this strange depression I've been experiencing. I can't seem to motivate myself to do even the littlest things. I procrastinate eating, sleeping and going to the bathroom because it means I have to get up. I mean just lifting my tuna salad sandwich to my mouth seems like more trouble than it's worth. It's probably something to do with the new baby keeping me up at all hours of the night. In the mean time, I still make myself get up and stay productive. Hot showers seem to help a little.
My attitude's changed a little too. You may not agree with me but I am a firm believer in spankings when the situation calls for it(Obviously not for JD seeing as he's only three weeks old). TJ, my girlfriends two year old, was supposed to be down for nap yesterday but was instead playing up on his window sill. He gets a spanking when he endangers himself and when I reprimanded him I gave him two firm swats on the butt. Grandma lives with us and she doesn't like spankings so she starts in with her usual shit talking again. Most of the time I don't let it bother me and I keep my objections to myself but on this day I got fed up with her undermining me and my parenting. The following conversation ensued.
GRANDMA: "Maybe I should start hitting you guys whenever I want you to go to sleep!"
ME: "Why don't you should leave the parenting up to his parents!"
GRANDMA: "Because you're doing a sh#tty job of it!"
GIRLFRIEND: "That's a matter of opinion and I don't give a f@ck about yours!"
GRANDMA: "Then get the f@ck out!"
ME: "You know, for someone as ashamed of her own daughter as you are, you sure dish out a lot of condescending criticism. Your only daughter still lives with her Mom has no job and two kids, where the f@ck do you get off calling me a sh#tty parent?"
She hid in her room for the rest of the night occasionally coming down to grab a quick beer or cigarette. Somewhere in one of those trips she said "You're right, I did do a sh#tty job raising you" but that was all. She didn't even eat dinner.
I probably could have worded that better but she called me a sh#tty parent, and not for the first time either. I'm not really concerned about her feelings at this point. But of course that's what's new a month ago I would have been the first to apologise because I would feel bad for hurting her feelings even if I was right, but now I don't care her feelings. Strange.
  • Current Mood
    satisfied satisfied