So how am I ever going to get it all down?
Today I realized why people all seem to be yelling at the world, whether it be about conservation, religion, activism, etc. Nearly everyone is crying out about something and doing their best to reach everyone they can with it. I understood why, then I understood the purpose and the psychological triggers, then in the middle of attempting to write why I realized the futility of making the attempt and how it was all part of something bigger and how that... you get my point.
I know someone who has taken up a torch I used to wield. This person had seemed for the longest time to have the potential of being so very interesting to me but recently I have decided that this may not be the case. At first she appeared to be so similar to me. She performs my old duties, she's also by-sexual, she's outspoken and strong and not hard on the eyes either. We're both anime fans and I relate to her choices in attire and friends as well.
However, she judges me as being a misogynist, assumes I want to get into her pants, complains every day without fail about everything from her job to her acquaintances and frequently bitches about men. Yet she models for a company I hold in the highest respect, she has more friends and ass kissers than I could ever hope to have. ...It occurs to me that I may just be jealous of what she has and how little she has to work to get it by comparison simply because she's a female. I find it offensive that she sits next to people I hold in the highest respect and lectures audiences of hundreds about the pains of being different when she has no clue how much worse it is for people who actually are different.
Anyway, at the time I realized how normal she really is. So many of us express ourselves as loudly as we can because we're so very terrified of not being heard. It makes sense, sociological paradigms program us to be competitive so we strive to be better than everyone else in any way we can. Some of us spread God, some of us preach about racial or sexual stereotyping, some compete in sports or in our careers, most of us do do all of the above. It makes us feel good about ourselves to have missions in life and goals to achieve.
Unfortunately most people are so busy yelling to the world about the injustices we feel are imposed upon us that no one is left not shouting to listen to the cries. I got tired of yelling years ago. I listen, but nobody can tell that I'm listening. Instead they think I'm patronizing and judging them. In the end it doesn't matter anyway, humans have a way of disregarding those who give us what we claim to want without many exception. For instance, a woman complains that every man only wants sex and none of them will truly listen to her. Except that she has a friend who's been in love with her for years and lets her cry on her shoulder every time her heart is broken. She will say that they are just friends and that she cannot ever see him that way. If she meets someone who does show her the respect she desires, she will question the person and ultimately decide that she deserves better for any number of transparent and irrelevant reasons.
...so why am I listening? Why do I attempt to place myself within the glow of the personalities and stories within all these people? I already know them all so well, often better than they know themselves. They always manage to achieve complete predictability, especially those who claim to be different. When I show interest they assume that I'm inferior somehow, often because they misunderstood something I said and concluded something inaccurate about me.
Nothing further at this time.