I just had the most brilliant epiphany!

It occurred to me today that despite all of our differences, religions, personal beliefs or lack there of, we all have one very crucial and beautifully natural instinct in common. No matter who you are, no matter how old or young, where you were born or when, you have always done your very best to please God in the very best way you believe that you can.

I remember very clearly when I was a Christian child how wonderful faith is. I'm no stranger to Jesus and I loved and love still the feelings I get when I think about how great he was. I personally don't believe in Hell, so it's kind of hard to for me to buy the whole "son of God" thing but that's just me. To each their own, as I always say. Anyway, I held to my faith without the slight inclination to question it for many years. I remember talking with an Atheist child when I was young and asking him why he didn't believe but he didn't really say anything that affected my beliefs. He just said he "didn't believe it" and that was the end of our conversation. I remember thinking, "That guy didn't seem so weird, he was just a kid," and that was the last thought I had about him until writing this post.

Very few of us ever devote any time to worshiping Satan or practicing Voodoo in some childish attempt to rebel against our parents teachings, and the few that do typically outgrow the phase as abruptly as we adopted it. For all of our differences, we do have many most wonderful traits.

My view on atheism may differ from those of other atheists, but I think I can speak for most of us that there is another reason we choose not to believe in a God that is not spoken about and that is that we believe that if there was a God, he wouldn't want us to acknowledge him anyway.

As quickly as human achievement has evolved, and I hope I can use that word there, I find it obvious that if destiny exists, our technology is it. We went from working with rocks and sticks to talking people in Japan while reading their Doppler radar on our cell phones so quickly that it boggles the mind as to what our future holds for us. I think that God exists and he has a plan for us, then it's clear as to where that plan is taking us. So I mad a deal with God the last time we spoke.

You know how much I've devoted myself to pleasing you. I've search through religion after religion and faith after faith in search of the one true God and I have not found you. No God speaks to me, no faith appeals to me, they all seem false and seeking my own path to a relationship with you and nobody has spoken to me. Where then do I turn that is safe? Any God I worship is bound to piss off another and I can't very well worship all Gods can I?..." That is why I am an Atheist. I chose not to pick favorites and did this because I want to please God no less than any of you do. I believe that if he exists, he most likely do not wish for us t spend our time on our knees because every time we do, we have wars. Wars are about as close a thing I can think of as a sign from God that this is BAD. But that's just me. I think he's much rather see us devoting our time to educating ourselves and building new and wonderful things that make life better for everyone.

I don't believe that any of us truly hate God or are seeking to something sinister in our souls, I don't buy any of that. I firmly believe that most people are inherently good and try their best to be good to the best of their judgement and the only thing that separates us is the very thing that makes us so beautiful. If you take away people's differences, you take away our most powerful way to learn and to grow. As God's children it behooves us to seek our destines, allow us to seek ours beside you. As your God says, he is not of this world, thus this world is not of his own and therefore those that are best suited to run it's governments and institutions are it's children. We atheists are in no war bias to any degree and are therefor pure of malicious intent. We seek not to remove your Churches or to destroy your moral standards, we simply want to stop the religious influence over how our government is run.

Look at it from our point of view. There people in the government making decisions that effect me and you who believe that everything in reality around them is superficial and that real existence is somewhere else where people are always happy. Do you understand how that looks to us? Do you get how it looks when you declare that we're going to Hell just because we don't believe the stories? The only explanation as to why prayers don't get answered, and statistically they don't, is because they aren't God's will and if God has a will then he has a design and none of us can escape that. So maybe Atheists are part of God's will, put here to run things according to this realm's laws and guidelines so you can stay in his good graces. "It's cool, we got this, you go prey."

So if you looking for God, just go with what feels right and try not judge others for doing exactly the same thing in their own way because after all, right here and right now only happens once. I think that will be my new motto. Oh, and start voting atheist, we won't destroy your religions or corrupt your children, but we'll probably do a better job with the economy.

Look, we're a larger minority than Blacks and Gays, I think we deserve a chance. You don't have to like us, but you must admit that logically, the best way to run a government probably isn't with religious bias. Think of how well our governments would get along if we all had that in common. Think of how bold America would look with that kind of cold absolute and logical move toward the future.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm

While I'm sane...

I was just reviewing my LJ for the first time. Calm, sedate and objective, I began reading the posts I had made over the last four years.

I intentionally avoided proofreading when I had written them to keep the original emotion intact. I think this helped me a lot...

I have to think now...
  • Current Mood
    confused confused

The day before Halloween...

I started today off by sleeping in neglectfully till after ten and hurriedly rushed to feed my children their hour late 'Colossal Berry Crunch'. Dad was dragging himself out of his room too so I grabbed the coffee I had brewed while pouring bowls of cereal and headed up stairs to see what was new on YouTube.

I watched about half my subscriptions before Dad asked if we were going out for any reason today. We needed some groceries so I confirmed this, slammed the last warm linear cup of coffee in my stein and headed down stairs to dress my children.

A few frustrated shouts at disobedient children later, we were all headed down to the truck when the phone rang. It was a collector calling about a Sears credit card I applied for years ago and never heard anything about since. Apparently I owe some money on said card.

I can fathom the possibility that they may have possibly approved such an application and then mailed the card off to some address I no longer live at where it was thrown away and the account was charged with monthly fees and interest on said fees until the eventual cancellation of the card and the turning over of my balance to some debt collection agency. Fine, that actually makes sense given the amount they are asking me to pay them. I still want something in writing before I agree to anything and I'm certainly not doing anything over the phone.

Here's where my day really begins.

I told the collector "Fine, send me a bill or something in the mail and we'll talk then." and I hung up and hurried out the door. It was at the moment I hung up that Dad began in on me.

"What did you say hat for?! Why would you admit to the possibility of fault?!!"

"What are you talking about? I just want something in writing before I pay anyone any money? What's wrong with that?"

"Yeah, well you should have said that instead of asking him to bill you!"

He continued bitching at me but I shut him out and began bitching to myself under my breath about how "There's always someone willing to tell me just how wrong I am in every walk of life."

First off, my debts aren't any of his damn business! But more importantly, what the fuck difference does it make if I use the word "bill" instead of "something in writing that itemizes my debts via mail"(AKA a bill)? Asking for a bill doesn't mean I'm admitting anything. Where the fuck does he get off lecturing me on how to deal with callers or anything monetarily related for that matter? I mean he's going on 50 and he's moved in with his stepson because he smokes all his money away!

Anyway, he overheard my mumbling and started in even more on me but I can't remember what it was he said that started the last four sentence conversation we had for the day but it was some kind of inquiry as to why I'm pissed.

"Why the hell are you so fucking comfortable talking to me like that? I don't talk to you like that!"

"Well excuse me all to hell for caring about my son and wanting to help him out with money!"

"That's fine but you don't have to be such a fucking asshole about it!"

"And you don't have to be such a fucking idiot!"

I couldn't say anything because my mind wanted to yell about ten different things at once. I wanted to yell "Some fuckin Dad you are!" and "Go fuck yourself!" and "Says the idiot who doesn't understand the definition of the word 'bill'!" and "What makes you think you have any right to lecture me on money!" and "Where the fuck do you get off? I don't call you fat, ugly, lazy, drug addicted or a loser!" and I wanted to punch him in the face hard enough to break his driver side window and I wanted to exit the truck. But I didn't do or say any of that.

I just looked at him with a look that said "How can you be such a fucking piece of shit......." and then all I said was "I just wanted something in writing?"

He drove us to the store, I started shopping and he waited in the truck. Then we came home and watched 2 movies upstairs while he fumed in his room about God knows what. He was still avoiding me when we came down. The we went to our party and watched Batman Forever(Wow that movie sucks BTW!) and finally came home and fed the children.

It's now 9:30 and he's still not talking to me.

Isn't it funny how the smallest things can ruin someone's whole day?

Our real problem...

It's not that I don't care. I'm just tired of it all.

In this home she does something I would never, her do to her. She closes her ears and fumes.

Maybe that doesn't sound as bad as it is, but I assure you that it's atrocious. If I'm livid with you over even the most justified of situations, I am still always willing to listen to you explain yourself because I don't actually WANT to be angry with anyone.

She doesn't do that. When she's angry with me, she stays angry at any cost. That way she can continue to treat me like shit. She calls me stupid, she accuses me of terrible things, she insults my intelligence, integrity and personality, she destroys my property and she's even abusive.

But that's all okay, she's entitled to treat me this way when she's angry. As long as she stays angry she can call me all the names she wants, she can bitch to all my friends and relatives all she wants because she's angry.

I would never put another human, let alone the woman I love through such pathetic childish and unnecessary attacks, especially if there was even the slightest possibility that I might be overreacting.

Especially since listening takes so much less effort than staying mad over nothing at all does.

I'd give anything for her to learn this truth, but FaceBook only lets you write 400 words.

Vigilante (Chapter 1)

It was warm day in Death Valley on August 11th 1952. The sun seemed so much closer down there. The ghost white sand like a sea of sugar stretched on for miles in every direction, on the horizon were flickering lakes of mirages swimming and flickering in every direction. Charlie just sat listening to the tires rubbing across the sand and the steady hum of the engine in our 1947 Lincoln Continental. The desert horizon melted into the sky reminding Charlie of the mercury he saw in his 8th grade science class. He was so bored he could hardly stand it.

"How much further Dad?" Charlie impatiently asked for the dozenth time.
John was a patient man though, he never seemed to lose his temper in any situation. "Not too much farther there, son. The dig site is right up over those two peaks off ahead." He motioned with his hand before resting it comfortably back on the shift stick. "See em?" Charlie had gone with his father on a number of archeological digs, but this one was supposed to be a surprise.

"Yep..." Charlie lied never taking his drowsy eyes off the melting horizon. The horizon danced and flickered in and out of existence behind the rising fumes of heat in the distance with Charlies eyes following the waves. It was only a few seconds later when he heard his dad's voice so far away that it was barely audible becoming louder and louder until John's calls were so loud that Charlie felt like he was being ripped out of his world by the sheer volume of his father's voice when his eyes opened abruptly and met John's as he shook his son's shoulder. "We're here buddy, time to wake up." He said retracted his hand from across Charlie's armrest.

"I must have dozed off..." Charlie murmured more to himself than anyone as he peeled his cheek from the sweat soaked weatherstripping. The sea of white seemed somehow even brighter here. It seemed to bleach the color out of the sky itself with it's hot reflective surface. The sky was a pale yellow grey instead of blue and it cast your shadow upon the ground so thick with darkness that Charlie fell as if her could fall in.

Charlie yawned and stretched his way through the car door shielding my eyes from the reflection of the sun off the robins egg blue paint job on Dad's prised Lincoln. The roof obscured his view for a moment but once he stepped past the windshield he saw the dig site.

The desert seemed to go on forever in every direction with a sun that sucks the life out of you by the minute. He immediately became overwhelmed on an almost instinctual level with a sense of impending doom. The mere thought of traversing such a desert renders a feeling of hopelessness and death that is literally crippling. The sun is relentless, the sand is blisteringly hot, the air feels like a furnace is burning in your face, but for a moment Charlie forgot about all of those feelings of dread and saw only the dig site.

It was beautiful, the sea of sand had but one island protruding up out of it. Before Charlie lied a mound no higher than three feet rolling out of the sand with flickers of shiny veins running through it. "How did you find this Dad?"

"That's a long story actually, but to sum up... I ran across it racing a friend long, long ago."

"Why didn't you come back for it earlier?"

"I did, it's not easy to find again once you lose it so I kind of gave up on it.... but now it's ours!"

"How much gold do you think is in there?" Charlie started toward the mound but was stopped by a sudden sound like a rustling of bushes. Except that there aren't any bushes in Death Valley. A tearing noise began to grow louder around me and I heard my father calling to me.


Charlie turned and saw his father lunging toward him with his hand outreached. Charlie reached for his hand but missed when his father rose several feet into the air. Again Charlie reached as the situation he was in began to dawn on him but missed again as he slipped through the cave in into darkness. The noise of rock and dirt crumbling around him was deafening and then suddenly Charlie felt something strike his head and it was quiet. Charlie felt strange like he was losing consciousness as he watched a pinhole of light appear in his peripheral vision but is seemed to float in the darkness further and further away and then Charlie felt a pain shoot throughout my entire body so blinding that he couldn't maintain consciousness and felt the sweet sweet grip of darkness take him.

Only throbbing pain greeted Charlie when he awoke, 'Who knows how long I've had been unconscious,' he thought. He opened his eyes and saw a light shinning right at him. It was the cave opening he had just fallen though. He began asking himself questions. "How far up is that?" "Is anything broken?" "Do I have a concussion?" "How do I get out?" "Where was Dad?"


An echo reverberated multiple times then faded.

"DAD!!!" He yelled again.

Nothing replied except for another echo and a small shuffle of sand which fell at his feet. He began to pull himself slowly up into a sitting position to survey the cave he had fallen into. The light from the opening above was enough to tell that the cave was vast. There were two walls he could see clearly which were mere feet away running off to the right and the left into pure darkness. His ankles were dangling over the edge of a ledge that also seemed to drop down into nothing but darkness.

Then Charlie noticed his right ankle hanging upside down. He leaned forward and began feeling his leg as gently as he could with his hands and was rewarded by a shot of excruciating pain which ran up his back caused him to shudder and yelp with pain. Yep, it's broken.

Charlie knew his Dad wasn't going to abandon him down there, he must have gone to get help. He could be down here for some time. The darkness was so cold, the earth seemed to suck the life right out of him as it's chill spread slowly through to the bones. Charlie worried that he might be in shock.

Then a noise.

Charlie's eyes had adjusted well enough to see that the cave was actually more of a crack in the earth with seemingly infinitely long tunnels in either direction extending infinitely deep into the earth. Charlie realized that he was only alive because he just happened to land on a chunk of earth protruding out of one of the cave walls. Charlie could see nothing moving in the cave with him but could hear an occasional noise like a mouse was near by that gave him an uneasy feeling.

He listened carefully, motionless and held his breath.

Another noise, it sounded like a shoelace being tied. Then another sound much the same.

Charlie listened to the noises nervously for what seemed like several agonizingly long weeks as the light above began to dim and then another noise caught his attention. This was like the other noises but louder and more drawn out, and yet somehow more distant. He looked up and could barely make out the sound of footsteps rushing toward the hole.

"Dad!" He yelled up.

"Charlie! Oh God, are you okay?!" A head appeared wearing my Dad's familiar cowboy hat in the hole of light above him.

"My leg is broken, but I'm alive."

"Here, I'm lowerin' down a rope now, just loop it around yer self an I'll haul yuh up!" Dad always spoke with thicker accent when he was worried. "Hang in there boy!"

Then the noises grew louder, as if they were growing closer.

"Hurry, Dad. I don't feel so good." Charlie was starting to feel like something was really wrong, the need to get out of the hole was never stronger.

"It's commin!" The rope was being lowered quickly, but it seemed to take an eternity. Charlie quickly slipped the loop around his torso under the armpits and shouted up, "I'm secure, pull me up!" Charlie watched below as the rock he was on started to drop away beneath me. Tug by tug Charlie began to feel slightly less weary as he ascended one pull at a time up toward the opening of the chasm.

That's when he felt something grab his ankle. Charlie began kicking right away forgetting about my injury as shear panicking permeated every ounce of my being forcing him to wiggle and writhe in an effort to escape the strange grip around his pant leg. Charlie heard screaming noises and realized they were coming from him and could hear his father calling down to him in the darkness. "Son!"

The sensation around his ankle began to feel cold and wet almost immediately, then Charlie felt the thing wrapped around his ankle pierce the skin and begin to slither up Charlie's calf muscle within his leg. He screamed louder and flailed every inch of his body. He reached down and tried to grab the thing and felt it but could not see it in the darkness. It was slick and wet like an eel and narrow and flat like a tape worm and it was stronger than Charlie was.

Charlie tried to pull at it but it was useless. The slimy thing was invading his body through the skin and he could feel the cold of it spread through his leg as it passed my knee and continued up his inner thigh. The pain was unimaginable and the coldness of it penetrated Charlie like death itself. Charlie was in such a panic that he didn't realize he was being pulled down until he kicked the rock he had spent the last few hours on and sudden terror came over him as he looked and saw the landing he was sitting on moving and slithering in the darkness. There were many, many more of these things and he was face to face with them this time.

Almost simultaneously Charlie felt a dozen or more of the things grab him in numerous places on his body and as they began to pierce his flesh and slither under my skin like parasites from some other world, Charlie felt the first one reach his genitals. Charlie was able to scream one more time before he felt something gag him and realized he could no longer breathe or speak. Charlie could feel only tearing and ripping pain as the creatures penetrated and invaded his body until the line holding me up give. Suddenly Charlie was aware of the feeling weightless and his arm pits were no longer in pain. But this offered no solace from the agony of the invaders. Charlie fell and fell in the darkness but never experienced the abrupt landing that came followed. He grabbed at the slithering thing which blocked his air passages trying desperately to pull it out of his mouth. He struggled until he felt something inside him at the base of his skull press forward and suddenly he felt nothing.


The City of Chrystalle was a pristine monument to the truest form of freedom the world has ever known. The city dwarfed most other metropolises and yet never lost self perseverance. When humanity evolved sociologically beyond the need for money or jobs, Chrystalle continued to function as it always had. This was a main reason Chrystalle had never been recycled to be used for materials in construction of modern cities. Humanity had come to love many of the old cities and continued to preserve them for historical value. Las Vegas continues to be a shining pillar of capitalism at it's best and worst and functions entirely within the resource based economy that provides so much abundance to all of humanity.

Chrystalle on the other hand holds a more unique value for humanity. She is the worlds only official super hero city. Of course there are no real super heroes, but the citizens of Chrystalle continue to live in the buildings, work their nine to five jobs and pay their ridiculous rent just for the opportunity to live in Chrystalle. I mean how often do you get to watch the forces of good and evil battle on the roof tops like in some 20th century comic book?

Evil scientists and heroes with gizmo's and gadgets battle it out on a monthly basis in this city and often battles can become so stupendous that people actually die! Death is the last thing that you think about when you're having fun like this though.

Nails snickers as he remembers his latest brawl with the Dr. Mechanic. He pauses to bend over and tighten the laces on his military boots. "Hmph" he mutters as he adjusts the straps laced across his black spandex covered body. He rises to his feet and then drops back down into a sprint ready position. His leather straps almost shimmer under the sunlight against his non reflective skin tight spandex suit. Perhaps spandex is a little Cliché, but hey it worked for so many before him, who was he to argue with success.

Nails bursts into a sprint. Running at full speed across the roof, he leaps into the air and kicks off the ledge and thrusts himself into the air leaping across to the fire escape across the alley and lands with a loud slam on the metal landing. Four years of practice has made particularly good at acrobatic leaps and jumps. He rushes up to the brick wall of the warehouse building next door and vaults himself up the one story to the next roof. Nails pulls himself up and is greeted by the sun peeking at him just before disappearing behind the giant saucer that tops the building referred to as Chrystalle tower. Almost immediately he lets out a sigh, shakes his head and mutters "...capes..."

At Chrystally tower the entrances are being used at every point. Nails watches as fools in caped costumes swing from roofs to the balcony ledges that surround the saucer. He shakes his head in disgust before he swings a belt over a power line and slides down to the roof in front of him. He's got to cover the last three blocks between him and Chrystalle Tower in record time if he doesn't want to miss out on all the appetizers. Those lowlife bounty hunters will pick the tables clean before he can get his hands on even one pig in a blanket.

Nails has never been a fan of large gatherings of people but then nobody in his line of work ever seems to either. Here though, in this room with five dozen other vigilantes from every walk of life. It's hard not to feel at home here even among the villains. Nails finds himself wishing that these little get-togethers would happen more often than once a year but then dismisses his thought almost immediately. Nails wades through the crowd of vigilantes dressed in every imaginable form of attire from the complete practicality of solid military grade to the flashy designer styles that can only come from the homemade costume breed. The flashy ones don't usually last as long though and it's always funny when you see a newcomer cry about his costume getting ripped in tiff with a bank robber. Nails snickers under his mask.

He wades his way thought the sea of glares coming from all the newbies trying to seem intimidating. Routine as usual, but today there seems to be many, many more new recruits than in previous years. Nails was just about to grab the last pig in a blanket but it was snatched from underneath his hand.

In a flutter of black movement the hand of the Piggy thief is gripped and twisted until the caper across the table drops to his knee and releases the small treat. "Thank you." Nails smiles under his mask as he lifts it and the dog simultaneously and pops the reward in his mouth. "Mmmm... *smack* ... Thank's friend, sorry about the thumb."

The green spandex and bandit mask did not suit the man in his knees well. The 300lb truck driver in a ballerina costume raises to his feet rubbing his hand. "Jeez man..." he complains as he reluctantly turns and wonders away. Nails may not be the largest boy in the room but everyone knows his reputation as a wolverine in a fight. He was still lost in contemplation over the situation when he heard the elevator door ding. Suddenly everyone in the room stopped talking as a scream let out across the room. It came from the elevator.

Nails stepped between the two vigilantes that blocked his view to see a hostess tumbled backward on the floor with her platter at her feet in front of her. In the elevator doors stood what appeared to be a freshly charred burn victim. A dark man with leathery skin stretched so tight over his face that you could visibly see his skull through his skin stepped forward pulling the collar of his trench coat up high around his neck. and ducking his head down in embarrassment. He must be new. Everyone knows that if you take the elevator up you're a villain. All the heroes like to show off their skills while the villains try to seem more average.

The blackened man continued through a part in the group and out of sight and Nails went back to scanning the crowd. He came up to a group of three familiar vigilantes with whom he had worked with before on numerous occasion. "Nails!" A balding man in painter's clothes greeted him.

"Hey guys." Nails replied glancing at his colleagues and their new friend. Next to 'The Painter' stood stood someone in a brown robe and his old friend Psycho. She wore her usual out fit of black raver's pants and skin tight turtleneck. "Hi Nails" she added.

"So who's the newb?" Nails motioned toward the man in the robe who responded by immediately breaking from his quiet peaceful stance and threw one hand up in the air bent down at Nail's head and shaking.

"I'm da Monk, Beoch!" He thrust his hand at Nail's head as if he were "OG" and stepped back into his peaceful stance, hands clasped in front of him. The three of them stared at Monk for a few seconds.

"...You are such an idiot!" Psycho announced chuckling gleefully at him. They began pushing each other in the shoulder like siblings do when the lights flickered on and off three times. The room shooshed again like it had when the elevator had chimed it's ominous 'ping'. The silence from the crowd came so abruptly and in such unison that Nails could not help but feel a small swell of pride for his kind.

The room turned it's focus in almost perfect unison to the man in the devilishly stylish white double-breasted suit. He had dark red hair which was combed like a game game show host's, a dark red goatee and a black and red striped silk tie. His shoes were also red with black heels, toes and soles. He stood up at full attention like a butler from a cliche movie resting his left forearm on the curve of his lower back. His voice was deep and powerful but soothing, when he spoke his words could move people.

"Ladies and Gentilemen, Welcome!" His voice boomed throughout the room and Nails felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as he listened. "You have the privilege of being members of the largest and most extraordinary sociological experiment in the history of science. Our contributions will be staggering! So! Once again; Welcome to Chrystalle City!"

"I am your host, my name is Alister Means. Now I know about half of you have all the usual million and one questions to ask me but if you'll just bare with me here..." Alister reached into his pocket with his right hand never moving the left and produced a small remote control. "Ah, yes. For those of you who weren't here last year, we have instated some new changes on the rule book. Firstly, the bounty for dead villain has gone from ten percent to half that, you'll be getting five percent now and of course three deaths and you will be officially ejected.

"Second note; Villains get a little extra cash this year as a result of the influx of players. Feel free to turn in your villain points for additions or extensions on your lairs. We also have some new equipment that both parties may be interested to help you up your arsenal.

"Okay, now there are a few more details but you can take a copy of the rules from the trays next to each entrance as a reference." Alister clicked a button on the remote and immediately a projector screen descended behind him spanning from ceiling to door. He clicked again and the lights dimmed, another click and a projector on the middle appetizer table displays an image of a small neighborhood near a river.

"Chrystalle was founded in 1849 during the great gold rush and was primarily used as a trading post for travelers on their way to California. The town remained rural until 1959 at which point a military base known as Fort Shatterberry was erected which caused the town to explode overnight when Forts Knox, Worth and Hood were evacuated due to terrorist threat. After the population explosion Chrystalle grew by two hundred percent every ten years becoming a major metropolis in the United States. Then Shock arrived." Click

"The first known sighting of Shock officially happened in 1998 but there are reports of sightings going back as far as 1978. The general consensus is that Shock is a non villain who took it upon himself to defend the city. He is a cybernetic robot that has unmeasured physical strength, armor and agility. In all the years that he has guarded Chrystalle, only footage and pictures have ever been taken of him." Click

"The police, the national guard, the marines, the army and the federal bureau of investigation spent an estimated seven trillion dollars attempting to capture Shock but only succeeded in costing everyone massive losses in property damage. Eventually Shock was declared a national treasure in a case made by the citizens of Chrystalle that went all the way to the supreme court. When the case was won, Shock became the world's first official super hero." Click

"Shock's conduct in Chrystalle is what put her on the map. This is why I called all of you here today. Chrystalle flourished due to the hand of Shock for all these years allowing us all to enjoy some of the greatest freedoms this world has to offer and now he's under attack. Not only is Shock under attack, so too is the city in which he resides! The public wish to recycle this city due to its promotion of violent nature.

A murmur came over the crowd and Nails felt a very cold shutter run down his spine. Nails had a life out in the real world, he couldn't take it. He had always been a violent and competitive person by nature and there simply wasn't any room left for such violent tendencies in civilization anymore. Click.

"This is why I invited you here today. We are poised for the single largest vigilante spectacle in history and it will all be posted on TubeView for the world to witness. They've given us only seven more months and then the city will be disassembled and recycled. When these doors open back up, I want you to go out there and make a scene for me! Can you do that?!"

The crowd roared and hooted with excitement but there were two faces that were not smiling. Nails was watching the leathery man and Leatherman wasn't showing any emotion either.

"We'll make a scene so big in this town the voters won't know what hit them!" Alister finally dropped his left arm and raised it to meet his right above his head and shake them profusely at the crowd.

Nails took a step toward his new interest who immediately turned to face him. "Yeah?" said the leather man from over scarf he was tugging off his face. Nails was about to reply but there was a loud bang which deafened and slammed him from behind. Nails was thrown into the air and slammed to the ground. As he struggled to find the strength to push himself off the ground, her heard the screams of people around him piercing through the constant high pitch ringing of his ears. He dragged his forearm across the ground to his face and pushed the ground away with all his strength.

There was a throbbing pain shooting around the inside of his scull and he felt dizzy as he pushed himself into a crawling position. He raised his hand and pressed it against his head then tried to shake off some of the dizziness. Suddenly his other hand felt the floor underneath it give way and crumble.

Nails dropped his hand from his face and saw that the vast majority of the floor that he had just been walking on was now crashing into the ground at the bottom of the tower. The massive chunks of concrete slammed into the street with such force that he felt the building shake below him. Nails backed away from the edge of the floor and realized the the walls and roof were also missing and large chunks of concrete were falling down in front of his view.

He turned away from the hole and called to his friends. "..huh guhs... yuh uh-kuh...?" Nails felt the strength fade from his numb limbs and he fell to the ground and felt the dizziness overtake his mind.
  • Current Mood
    accomplished accomplished

I didn't write this, I just wanted to save it and never lose it.

All that glitters...

I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm marriage, indeed -- except for that little thing called "no sex."
I have some news for you. I think you should re-examine just how sweet and loving your partners really are...

I don't know too many people who would classify as "caring" or "warm" or "sweet" or "good" those actions that do real harm to another, except those who are desperate to find some "silver lining" to a sad situation.

Denying your partner sex is not a sweet and friendly thing to do.
Knowing a partner is miserable because of no sexual expression, and not doing anything to alleviate this, is not sweet.
Friends don't do malicious secretive passive things to their friends, and then put on an air of innocence about it..."Oh, my total lack of caring for your frustration and refusal to ever broach the subject or to stir myself to DO ANYTHING about it...oh, that upsets you? I had no idea! And now I will do *nothing* to change this situation except possibly ignore it even more, or for a change of pace, blame you!"

I've been where most of you are.

I tried to see things differently.
I tried to "do without" and do it with grace.
I tried to change myself in the hope of enticing my partner.
I tried to change my innermost feelings from sad and angry to something "positive."
I tried to tell myself that it was my fault.
I tried to tell myself it didn't matter, really, when one is with such a warm and loving partner (except for the bit about NO SEX).
I tried hobbies. I can weave, knit, crochet, brew beer, frame a house, build a wagon, hand-tame wild birds, grow giant pumpkins, make rope, cast pewter figurines, win at darts, and much much more. Blah.
I ran long distances, physically and mentally, to try to run off my desires and energies.
I told myself I was bad and evil.
I told myself I was pathetic to be 35...40...45...49 and still wanting to have sex.
I said so many rosaries that even the Pope asked me to stop.
And then...

I begged...
I screamed...
I broke my hand by slamming it against MY OWN HEAD, duh.
I wrote reams of letters about it...
I cried...until I was sick...many times...
I threw myself on the floor and knocked my head against it and said I would do anything, anything he said if he'd just tell me what the reason was for his lack of interest...
I said I was sorry approximately 100,000 times for being "bad" and "being demanding and shallow..."
I said I was so sorry even more times for being such a bad person as to put "something as minor as sex" above his lovely warmth and goodness as a partner...
Is anyone getting the picture?

Those who ignore your anguish, who place the blame on you, or who let you place blame on yourself, those who do nothing to stop this misery of your heart, THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND, they are NOT loving people. So, to add to your problems, you're either living with a really passively mean person or a psycho.

Would YOU stay in a marriage where BECAUSE OF YOUR BEHAVIOR your partner was desperate and sad and in anguish?

Would you sit back and let YOUR partner be in such misery about something YOU did or didn't do?

No, you wouldn't.

You know, those who are drug abusers, alcohol abusers -- they don't care about what they are doing to their husbands or wives -- they don't see it, they don't accept it -- if you tell them they are hurting you, they don't buy it -- their abuse is "not the cause" of any terrible consequences -- there is NO getting through to them -- but no one, not one therapist in the world, no matter HOW lousy (and most are REALLY f-ing lousy), would tell the drug abuser that the abuse is "okay" or that the harm done is negligible --


You will find PLENTY of sexless partners and "therapists" who will indeed tell their desperate partners that -- that the sex doesn't matter and that the refusal to be a true husband or wife does no harm. They will place the blame SQUARELY on your already aching shoulders, my friends --right where you've most probably placed it at times yourself, you poor things -- me too -- BUT DON'T LET THEM.

I have no grand final remarks, other than to say:

It truly sucketh...
Your partner is not acting right...
It is not your fault. It isn't because you DID or DIDN'T do something that he/she is withholding sex from you...
It won't get better...
Get out now, or you'll be like me, endlessly hunting on the internet and in magazines for someone who found a way out without really getting out...
It will fester in your soul, no matter how long it goes on, as long as you are with the person who has hurt you this way...
There are those out there who DO have natural views about sex and who DO like it for what it is, not as some weird control thing or "dirty" thing, and maybe a miracle will happen and you'll meet them somehow, the meantime, comfort yourself with at least THEY would like to have sex with you...!!!!
You are not if that is any help...
And now I'm off to run my 3 miles!!! And then I have a great new hobby to start!
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    sympathetic sympathetic

(no subject)

Why should I save them?

They keep fighting me whenever I tell them the truth. They're too proud to consider being informed. They're too inconsiderate to help each other. They're too pathetic to keep from destroying the very world they were put here to protect.

How can humans live on this planet for so long and not have seen by now that they're the only ones with the ability to protect the whole world and not know that's their purpose?

Humans are so pathetic.

Why should become their messiah when it's so much easier to let them die?

Do they deserve to be saved?

(no subject)

I was watching 'The Daily Show' with Jon Stewart the other night and watched him attack Bernie Goldberg and Fox News essentially telling them in not so unspecific words; 'Go fuck yourselves.'

Truly a more beautiful moment in television history but now as beautiful as the following morning. I had made note while watching 'The Daily Show' that I should catch the next days squabbling between Keith Olberman and Bill O'reilly and though I missed the former, Bill-o didn't let me down. He devoted a good solid ten minutes to a discussion with both some stupid hot blond chick with a degree and a republican stance and Goldberg himself.

I found it quite disturbing what I saw on the television as someone with a small amount of education and a large degree of understanding in the field of social psychology.

The first thing O'reilly askes is how come there aren't any comedic conservative success stories? The obvious answer is that conservatives can make fun of the fact that they're raping the rest of the world of freedom, peace and health under the delusion that they're stance is for the better, or that liberals are too unorganized to fix the problems they whine about over various chat rooms, but nobody's going to find it funny if it comes from the mouth of a republican because republicans suck. They always tell us no weed, no parties, no fucking my 19 year old daughter while I'm in the next room. Geez! What a bunch of control freaks... but I'm getting off track...

Bill-o immediately says "Success of Fox News channel shows there's a huge audience for non-liberal presentations."

I struggle with this. People will watch Fox because most of the people alive today spent half their life watching the Simpsons which was always on Fox and never conservative.

Bill-o then goes on to say that Jon Stewart needs Fox news because the other News channels are boring but on Fox the news has all kinds of different perspectives. Then there was a "That's the truth and you know it." before he moves on to the next topic.

Fox may be entertaining, but it's certainly not accurate and I'm not the only person who knows it.

Then Bill-o talks with Goldberg for a minute or two but the ultimate answer that Bill-0 and Goldberg and the blond chick that comes on later agree upon is this...

'There aren't any conservative comics because the people in charge in the entertainment industry are all liberals.'

Think about that for a moment.

How deluded do you have to be to make a generalization as well as an assumption based upon that generalization so calmly and cool? Doesn't a part of your soul die and go straight to hell where you believe people who commit terrible acts do? Jon Stewart may have called you the "Lupis of news" but at leased he doesn't delude himself so that he can continue to maintain a mentality that allows him to delude his viewers.

It's not the emissions that is the reason that we should stop using oil as soon as possible, it's the limited supply of fossil fuels being wasted by every running motor on the planet. Soon air travel will be impossible because we used up the fuel traveling with cars that could be running on corn oil, water, hydrogen, stored solar energy, you name it. It's the trash we leave everywhere, it's the trees we cut down across the world, it's the fishing we overdo, it's the monetary system itself. It has to go.

We designed money thousands of years ago and it's as detrimental to modern society as organized religion and no less destructive. There is no reason we cannot maintain the resources we have, while feeding every hungry mouth on earth except for the monetary system. It makes us selfish, it enslaves us, it takes up all our lives so we have nothing left to give and it allows people to work a meaningless job that contributes nothing to society just to die without health coverage while people that rob others of their homes, possessions and money thrive.

We currently have the resources and technology and man power to build giant building in which food can be automatically grown all day long every day and without preservatives, insecticides or disease and with very little maintenance. No one starves anymore.

We currently have the means to make all public travel across the world automated and so sufficient that automobiles would no longer be necessary but every block could have one anyway just in case someone wanted to use it for some reason.

We currently have the means to stop almost all of todays violent crimes by simply eliminate the need for money and reintroducing the desire for money by rewarding those that do work. We eliminate all the jobs we don't need in the first place, no more middlemen, no more McDonald's, no more pushy salesmen. Hello free food, free clothes, free shelter and free travel safe environment to raise my children in and hello true democracy. What more could you want? That's great, there are jobs that actually contribute to society available for hire.

God forbid though, then what would the retardlicans have to piss and moan about?

Fatwa, you know why there aren't any conservative comedians? It's because nobody likes conservatives. We live in an ever changing world that's growing and changing every day, you can't spend your life trying to control it with legislation and economics, you can only accept it and live or fight it and fail.
The rest of the world knows tis as fact, those that are still learning it are very bitter and unpleasant people we all know and love as conservatives.

If you were ever to allow women to be truly free though, you would fail. Your women are still convinced that men need to support them with money which sounds good to the women and to the guys with money so it's no surprise how you managed to continue to delude these women, but you never showed them that they work in a world you created in the first place that shows no sympathy for those without money.

There is a Satan and his name is The Republican Party...
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    cynical cynical

Bad Sex...

I think the worst kind of "Bad Sex" is a bad sex life...

Today I woke up at 6 to TJ knocking on his door to be let out to use the bathroom. I have to lock him in his room or he'll sneak around and steak anything he can while we're not looking. I'm consumed with hatred for Jen as I climb over her to leave the bed and let her son out for her, wait till he's done, lock him back in and lie back down.

I used to curl around her each morning after this routine in the hopes that she would wake up just this once and look me in the eyes and smile at me or even hug me good morning, but she never did, so now I don't curl around her anymore. She hasn't seemed to notice.

She then wakes me up repeatedly over the next few hours to shout at the top of her lungs for the kids to "Knock it off!" and eventually gets up whining "I just want to sleep!" as she storms off toward the boys room to yell at them to stop fighting, then comes back to bed and falls asleep.

Once again, I climb over her and serve the boys toast with jelly because we're out of cereal and Jen can't be bothered to wake up at 9:37 to go to the store so that her children can eat breakfast. Like all the mornings before this one, I am consumed by my frustration and hatred for this woman and bitch the whole time as I set out some jellied toast and some V8 Splash for my sons.

Now at this point, I used to climb back into bed and curl around her again, but today I sat down and started sketching again in the comic book I'm working on.

She didn't seem to notice.

Instead, she woke up at 10:45, smoked a bowl, complained about her mouth hurting, got dressed, went to the store and dropped off the groceries moments before leaving 35 minutes late for work. Now usually she's not late leaving for work, but the routine is basically the same for me every morning.

I wake up and let out her son to "go potty," I feed them breakfast, try to wake her up with my body, eventually give up, or she just wakes up and pops out of bed to disappear into the bathroom for half an hour without so much as a glance in my direction. She gets dressed and puts her makeup on which conveniently consumes all her time(except for an occasional WoW instance) before she has to leave for work.

When she comes home tonight, I will have straightened up from the previous night when she invited Josh over to smoke herb till 1 in the morning like I usually do, I'll have fed her children a full on dinner, saved some sides for her put our children to bed, and I'll be cooking another dinner for her. She'll eat the meal unless she's had Burger King or Jimmy John's on her way home and then she'll invite Josh over and disappear into her WoW on the other couch until she's ready to go to bed at 3 in the morning.

There is no sex life, I get laid once or twice a month just before her period. It's always JUST a day or two before her period and it's always boring as hell. She never touches me and when she does, her hand disappears behind her pillow until we're done and she gets up to wash it off. It's only a dick.

She doesn't wash herself before making love, it's always after and we only ever have sex in the doggy style so I can't look at her, she hasn't touched her mouth to any part of my body below the chin for over two years.

I shower twice a day, I'm meticulous about my hygiene and I won't even let her touch me if I feel dirty so it's entirely psychological.

This is the best part, every single time I've ever brought any of this up to her, she just becomes defensive, fights me kicking and screaming, calls me names, throws shit and eventually storms off without listening to anything I've said from the beginning with a completely misinterpreted understanding of what I wanted from her in the first place.

Oh, and god forbid you use the "D" word around her. Suggesting that she's delusional is about like calling Hancock an "Asshole" but here's the thing, SHE IS delusional! She's one of those girls that's got a great body but a face like the 'wicked witch of the west' with a bad meth habit. Her teeth are fucked up, her nose is exactly like the wicked witch of the west's her cheeks are sunken in, her eyes are dark like a holocaust victim and her forehead has an ass crack in it when she gets angry. I've never even suggested that I've noticed any of these flaws in the four years we've been together, but she's still got massive insecurities aver them so she keeps sabotaging the relationship subconsciously.

In other words, she hates herself so much that she can't understand why a guy like me would be interested in her so she's decided that I'm not the guy I appear to be at all, but rather a total piece of shit that only pretends to be nice to people and do nice things for everyone to con them.

I'm apparently a pervert, cause nobody on earth really wants to have sex once or more a week right? I'm a deadbeat, despite the fact that every dime I've made in the last five years has gone to women so that they can spend it on sushi, weed or whatever crap that those women decided right then and there that they suddenly could no linger live without. I'm a deadbeat because all that money I earned and then gave to these women right away wasn't enough. I'm a loser because I've never lived on my own, I've always lived with a woman that wanted me to move in with her instead. Any time I want to talk about problems in our relationship, what I'm apparently really doing is attacking Jen passive aggressively for some reason. When I get upset at her because she won't get up and feed her own son, I'm being lazy and I'm really angry because I didn't get laid first thing in the morning.

That's what I mean by delusional. She misinterprets my behavior, actions and emotions constantly to the point where she completely misunderstands me altogether and knows me as someone that I've never been in my life. Stretch this out across the days and over the years and you'll start to see how fucked our relationship is. No matter how hard I try, I always seem to be doing nice things for her so that she can say "You didn't do that for me! You did that for yourself you liar!"

I wrote this to be a simple Bad-Sex post, but instead it's going into my journal because I apparently can't talk about Jen without it becoming a rant the length of a college paper on sociology.
  • Current Music
    Life is Beautiful

New rule...

Prince of Persia is the only game that is allowed to get away with those stupid 'walk on the beam while struggling to maintain balance with an uncooperative camera' levels.

That goes for God of War, Assassin's creed, Max Paine, Oddworld and any other game that was made by someone too stupid to make the game itself challenging. These games would be so much better if you didn't have to fall off the ledge and start over again fifty times because the video game designer makes you walk on a beam with a moving camera pointing away from the direction you are trying to go.

It doesn't make the game more "challenging" it just makes the game designer look like he rode the short bus to school.

Oh yeah, and another thing, it's old.

It's more over done than Lady Gaga. Your game would have been cool, but instead it's the same as all the other half-ass games out there. It may have a better story line, but nobody's going to find out if they give up on your moronic game.
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    bitchy bitchy